Underground Food League

I’m thinking of writing a book, “How to blow it before you audition: A practical guide for working actors.”  I seriously wish I had a conversation recorder app on my phone but then I’d probably get sued.  

Last week I illustrated an inappropriate children’s book, this week I’m casting movie promos, next week I’m directing a fight scene.  Life’s good, now if I can only get through casting a bunch of people who could pass for high school students.  Breakdown services don’t let me down!   

Half-Girl, Half Woman, Half-Albino Bunny Rabbit.

The Female Ed Wood.

What’s Scary Is That There’s A Super Model Living Inside Me

Look I Won’t Go Poking Into Your Private Business And You Do The Same For Me, OK?

Still Loyal To That First Teddy Bear.

If I Won’t, You Can’t Make Me and If I Will, You Can’t Stop Me.

You Know When Something Is So Ugly And Wrong That It’s Beautiful?  I love That.

10.  They are actually run by Frontier, the crappiest, second rate, bus line that happens to fly.

9. They make you check your carry on luggage even though the reason why they call it carry on is so you can CARRY it on the plane with you.

8.  Their version of lumbar support is a baseball shaped steel bar jammed into your back.

7. Their flight attendants don’t wear make up.  This might not be a big deal in the grand scheme of flying but come on.  I paid to fly, I wanna see a little hair spray, some lipstick and heavy foundation to remind me that their flight attendants are inhuman and I am in good hands.  I’m sorry but splotchy skin and straggly hair remind me of your infallible humanity and that’s the last thing I want to think of when I am taking off.

6.  No pillows, No blankets, No exceptions.

5.  You can watch tv, but you have to pay $6 for it.

4.  They offer 3 different movies to watch but each one costs $8.

3.  You can’t reserve a specific seat.

2. They don’t even give you peanuts.

1.  There is no electric check in.  This means, you can’t plan ahead and print your boarding passes yourself.  You have to stand in line, (usually it’s the wrong line) and check in with a person who doesn’t want to be there or can’t figure out how to work the computer system.  You have to wait, because YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.

So if you are flying to the midwest, save yourself some trouble and avoid Midwest/Frontier at all costs.  Even if it is the cheaper ticket, you will be paying more for that flight.

Just finished taking the Sam Christensen essence workshop.  My myth is Quintessence.

Just got home from the longest day ever.  I need a good book.  Any recommendations?

Highlights from 2009

Not being killed on New Year’s by a drunk driver.

Making, The Day My Boyfriend Became for Channel 101’s January screening.  Going to New York so Rob could write the opening number for the Oscars with Dan.  Hanging out with Sophie, Caroline, and Leo.  Adam taking me to Tea and Sympathy in NY.  Helping my sister move to San Francisco in February.  Going to the Oscars with Erin Hill.  Felt so sick, I thought I would never make it through the show but Erin brought over a bunch of self heating warmers for me to wear and did my make up for me before the show.  At the ceremony, smiling so big because I was so proud of Rob and Dan and then the entire audience stood up applauding.  It was incredible.   Making a short animation for the Berry/Agee Experiment.  Being a groupie whore in Switcheroo 2.  Turdy Longbows is shown at the March Channel 101 Screening.  Wrote my second feature length screenplay.  Rob and I celebrate out 4 year anniversary by doing something that I can’t remember and neither can he.  Sophie moved back to Los Angeles.  Holly moved to Orlando, wait that was a bummer.  Wrote my first tv spec script.  Completed the UCB 401 Improv training and made a bunch of new friends.  Took sewing classes.  Made Vacationaires with Kelsy and Kyle.  It was complete chaos.  The first thing we agreed on was, we should all be really tan but then we we watched the footage we just looked dirty.  What a mess.  Vacationaires gets into PRIMETIME!  Started taking guitar lessons.  Got to be in a short where I was a blinded torture victim.  Danny and Jason asked me to make a segment for their show Everything.  Almost took a job casting The Newly Wed game.  Made stuffed animals for The Sarah Silverman Program.  Started working at Fox as an animator/graphic designer.  Went to the Technical Emmy’s with Rob and his parents.  Rob was nominated for Best Writing in a Comedy or Variety Special.  The following week we went to the Prime time emmy’s and Rob, Dan and Ben all won for Best Original Music and Lyrics.  It was so surreal.  Organized a kick ass party for Rob’s Birthday.  Was cast in a spot for the Zerofriends T-shirt Campaign.  Went to San Francisco for my sister’s wedding.  Was asked to pose for a new photography book, “The Mona Lisa Project.”  Won a Channy for Turdy Longbows.

Originally when I looked back at 2009, I felt bummed out.  What a shitty, shit year.  But then I realized, every month except for maybe May, I was involved with or got to be included in something really cool.  So I guess 2009, was a good year.  I got to see many of my friends finally get the success and accolades they deserved and that makes me feel good.

I just thought of my New Year’s resolution.  Commit to everything and no apologies.  Here’s to a year of sticking my foot in my mouth and avoiding eye contact.